Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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