The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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