The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
