i already hear my dad disowning me
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I can't put those talents on a resume
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
