i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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