I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
