Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
