doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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