come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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