forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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