Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
