You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
