I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
