a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
