My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
