i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
