Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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