just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
