I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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