Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
