the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
