im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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