she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
