i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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