i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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