Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize