I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
