You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
