I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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