your parents love me but you hate me
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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