Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
