and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
