She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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