why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
