Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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