I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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