I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
