Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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