Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just google imaged poop.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Randomize
