She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize