I heard we made out
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
