please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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