if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
