shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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