hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
