My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
