on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
