I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize