I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
