so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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