You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
