I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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