This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
