Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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