Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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