You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
