I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
