just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize