Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
