I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
