he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Enjoy the penises
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
