peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
