I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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