Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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