i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize