I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
