dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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