Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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