Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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