i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
