I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
