You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
