Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
