He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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