Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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