well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
