The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
