ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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