So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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