If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
