at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
