where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
