I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
