We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
third nipple confirmed
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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