I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
