Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
