you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
