you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize