Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
