There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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