Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
