Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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