i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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