he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
