Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
