I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
