Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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