last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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