Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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