I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
