did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
