You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
